|Waiting for a Message You Don’t Want To Hear
PS3 vs. 360. Widgets. Clive Barker’s Jericho. Hellgates. Army of Two. The first Metacritic 100% games.
|There’s Only One Destination
HD fireplaces. Reinstalling Windows XP. MacOS X version names. The second Metracritic 100% games. The Indefinite Bar.
|Stretched to the Limits and Back
Inappropriate humping. $4500/hour. Massage robots. Porn acting. Going indie with Metacritic 100% games.
|The Manual Process of Checking the Archives
Futuristic warfare. Retarded gangsters. Florida. Airport security. Robotic colonoscopies. Checking the archives. Death ray: manta. Rocketman.
|Ray Kurzweil Never Saw Fantasia
Programmer numbering. Colonoscopy robot 2.0. Replacement sphincters. How lawyers ruin everything. Army of Two 2.
|Mr. T’s Stock Tip Show
Bad Company. Jamba Juice. Cockroaches in the International District. Urination. Drobo colonoscopy. Journey, Foreigner, and Survivor. Mr. T. Minority dwarves.
|A Classic F.O.E. Mistake
Haircuts. Engineers. Conversations. How to confuse Dostoyevsky with Nabokov. How not to confuse Karate Kid with Step Up 2: The Streets.
|Celebrating Your Past Failures
The MegaTimer. Microsoft and Yahoo walk into a bar. Vista’s complete lack of shame. Unicorns and rainbows.
|The Faint Smell of Vomit
CNN double-header. Drobo update. Chair diarrhea. The Mugar Omnimax Theater. Leonard Nimoy. Iron Man, not Ironman. Penis theft.
|T, A, and A
Jackass drugs. Formula One orgy. Oldish movies. Burger King/Electronic Arts market cap. Alternative radio. Domestic violence reindeer. Warren Buffett playable character. SLC trip. Disingenuous scarecrow. Area hotness. Level eleven plans. Pood. Panera Bread. Stones. Slow crossers. Flexing. Hernia fetish sites.
|Putting Odor Back Into Communication
Politics: Then and now. Hillary Clinton, the horse. MegaTimer incompetence. Cross-eyed PETA Pam Anderson. Strong passwords. Cirque du Soleil HIV. 2K:XP::XP:Vista. Fox:Republicans::SlashDot:Techies. Vista bluescreen. SMS smells. Microsoft and patents. Failed game peripherals. The Peter Programmer Principle. Casual game math.
|The Mystery of the Disappearing Semen
Self-performance anxiety. Persona 3. Entry point. MegaTimer instructions. Retrograde. Women do/don’t like cars. Aciphex. Ferrari gas. Adversarial name consulting. Priest cars. Porn demotion. Pork and pumpkins. Tantric masturbation. Flow-max. Flaming toilet.
|Spring Break for Gay People
Baby hip-hop. Shorties. Retro-gayed. Ex-governor alimony. Anti-gay gayness. Alpha politics. Gay camp orgies. Religious education. Google Atlas. Skull bongs. Intellectual property. BT-completeness. Long straw. Meth-based workforce.
Fen/phen. Arachnia. Freedomcast. It Came from the Desert. Elliptical trainer. Bad movie vs. bad movie. Thirtysomething fatness. Bad Ubuntu rand. Fermat’s last theorem patch. Extenz.
|Getting Used to Disappointment
Porn ads. Algorithm sale classes. Advice. Is porn evil? The list. Porn actors, not porn producers. Tull. Fixing Google Checkout. The Grammys. The sacrowedgy. Ohako. Catholic aliens. Google Apps. Musical analysis.
|An Asshole Sitting Behind a Sushi Bar
Democratic illusions. Hotties for social change. Crapple. R. Kelley. Don’t Mess with the Roberts. Intent matters. Lucas and Tojo. Copyright is unpatriotic. Exporting culture.
|The Choice to Kill
Carbon-based dog. Assassinations and torture. Rodney King. The steady state of the world. Celebrity Rehab. The Wheel of Peace. The steal-a-car show. Gia pseudo-porn AIDS. Screech sanchez. Movie and game ratings. Horse porn judge.
|Random Acts of Rudeness
Jeff’s squirrels. The Black Card. Sickly Jeff. Burrata. NYC cesspool. Long 7/11 line. Selling out. Random acts of rudeness. Meat popsicle. Geriatric pilots. Brody Jenner. The E.O.A. position on T.I.T.’s. Watch prices.
|A Tale of Two Weiners
Jeff’s pad. Bill Gates email. Microsoft is done. Buying MP3s. Calling convention genders.
|The Intoxicating Scent of Flour
Worthless Tony awards. Countdown mistake. Spring Awakenings. Cable problem. Flying first class. Jeff’s NYC trip. Optional TSA. Chinese/Italian garbage juice. Poor fetish movie choices. Times Square. The Japanese glass case and the American bakery. FAO Schwartz. Falling. Airport uniforms. Instrument boarding. Sidewalk people. Teddy bear entourage. The ASSpect ratio.
|The Canadian Oil Sands Company of Comedy
Jeff drives through. Deaf relationships. Business class seats. World sandwich. Jeff’s Ferrari breakdown. Jeff’s lame links. The origins of sleeze. Jeff’s comedy oil sands. Jeff’s mustang. The 4th of July. Redline. Office auditions. Wall-eye. Casey is the talent. Disabled models.
|An Alternate Dimension with the Worst Superhero
Portland and Vancouver trips. This Week in Elderly. This Week in Pornography. This Week in Microsoft.
|A Nazi Every Night with Dinner
This Week in Law Enforcement. This Week is No Good. This Week in Former Adversaries.
|Floss Like a Dentist
Minimum security “prison break”. Fingerprints. Burrata. Rights. phpwomen.org. MLK-holes. McCain Invasion. Little people stars. Bigg Jigg. TSA. Spam King. Strip search prep. POW President. LA pot reviews.
|The Tummy Returns
The Mummy. This Week in Politics. This Week in Crime. Amendment quiz. This Week is No Good.
|Tapioca Zombiefest 2000 Bagel Delivery Girl
PHP. The Jeff Show and the Casey Show. Silver anniversaries. On-screen keyboards. Tapioca Zombiefest 2000. HTML. CSS. Braid.
|The Clothes Hangar, the Uncooked Hot Dog, and the Tube of Lube
14-year-olds. Retarded no-shows. Yale. Silverlight. Yet another XBox shits the bed. Nazis still aren’t funny. Lost. Emo dicks. Instructions. Gay equivalent to women’s volleyball. Abstinence. Bush goes bananas in China. Bill’s cock bracelet. Dramatic cats. Braid stars. Sex addiction. Serenity. Triceratops. Amazons. Crazy pit bull cloner Mormon abductor fucker stripper girl.
|007 Gets Out of His Hatchback
Ninja is binary. Coke->Mr. Pibb->RC Cola->Shasta->Safeway Select. Tony the Ninja. James Bond drives a hatchback. Professional podcasters. Complex Shit. Jeff solves the airlines’ marketing problems. Background music. Emergency system fail. ASCAP minimum. Free-face. Listener mail. Horrible human beings. New Jersey ninjas. Advertising is completely corrosive. Quotation/sarcasm marks. Product placement is worse.
|The Brownest Snowflake
Neutral state lottery. No torrents here. Rabbit-proof fences. Brits in Bulgaria. Tired Casey. All actors are Australian. Windows in space. Everything’s cool. Porn purchases. Steamed Audiosurf. X-Files sex addict. Suck fractals. Screech vs. Doogie. The basis functions of suck. Tranny Showgirls. Nazi raccoons. Creepy housewives.
|A Line of Tapdancing Rats
Dukes of Hazardization. Porn mining. K-town. Dorf. Shrek: The Musical. Standing ovations. Pixar vs. Dreamworks. The story of your groceries. DVDs for the elderly.
|The Real Joker Never Picks Up His Cards
Cargo pants. Boo Yeah. John’s hot book girl. Expensive clothes. “Oh, the humanity!” PAX vs. GDC. Wendy’s. Hardcore grammar porn. Catholic game guilt. GAP headsets. Cary Grant vs. Hugh Grant. Confessions. Portland vs. dangling prepositions. Rosaries. Jeff’s personal hell. The Large Hadron Collider. Spore. Tripping Joker. Dave Moore’s junk.
|The Greatest Men’s Breakfast on the Planet
XXX Church. The Hard Rock Cafe. Urban camouflage. Porn and Parent. The Hard Rock Cafe Casino. Porn and Pastries. The Hard Rock Model Search. The Van Halen Experience. A Shot at Love. A fish in the penis. Stealth cat. XXX Church pastors. Biologists. Animal links. Martin “The Hammer” Luthor. Angler fish. Eastside Church. Jesus the Pimp. Barbecue sauce.
|Learning to Love the Sweet Smell of Success
Dharma. Right of First Recognizer. Silent but deadly. Congress works the weekend. Defecation. Quigly’s motorhome. Senate briefing room. Flatulence. Google. The Hilton conference room. Assault and battery. GMail. Safeway bagels. Smelt-it. GTalk. John McCain. Dealt-it. Mixed-up metaphors. Sarah Palin. Litigation.
|The Tragic Choice Fatigue of David Lee Roth
Casting couch. Binormal porn searches. The Edge. Van Halen minute. Big Rig Amped. Frank Miller. Choice fatigue. Jeff’s mullet. Sexy nun. ACLU. Mullets. Cuil. PETA. Camero. Non-porn in porn search. Breast milk. American Movie. Scarred for life. Ice cream. Spiderman: The Musical.
|You’re Not Using It Right
Japan. Tokyo Game Show. Skype. Nightstand porn. Japanese broom-riding location-based entertainment. 100% Pure Awesome. Hang-over meat. Japanese muskmelons. Godzilla. Grape varieties. The iPhone. Bear sitting a picnic table. Negotiating the release of some hostages. Touching cotton. Crowning. The buttswamp. Hard Rock Model Search. Wink is sexy, blink is not. Confiscated salami. Karaoke. Steve Jobs Anus.
|The Child You Kept in the Closet
Japanese clubs. Relative hotness. Segway monkey. Wheelhouse. Skype. Bad slogans. Meat thermometer. AJAX. Prop 8. Web 2.0. EULAs. Ping pong. Fairy tales. Thugs. 80s non-hotness. Van Halen minute. Selling out.
|Every Night is a Kobayashi Maru
Handicapped. Just Too Late warnings. Installers. Megan Fox. Tipping. New Jersey. “No beef!” Angelina Jolie. Japan. Tipping economies. Luggage. Jennifer Connelly. Bathrooms. Lap dances. Trains. Apollo 13. Cinema. Bathroom bits. Inflation. Security screening.
|The White Trash Food Pyramid
Sam’s Club. Washington State police force. TV. Van Halen. CostCo. TV Guide. Snickers. Retards. Rock Band. Pumpkins. White trash. National Fat Acceptance. Food pyramid. Wanted. Wholesalers. Barack Obama. Mixed-up metaphors.
|A Donut for Everyman
Top Pot. The Mile High Club. Internet forums. Render farms. Metacritic 100% games. The Drake equation. Plexiglass. Electronic Arts. Mathematica. The housing bailout. Lowe’s Hardware. DMV. Home Depot. McDonald’s. Drunk driving. Kit modeling. Coca-Cola. Donuts. Election officials. The Consumer Goods Index.
|A Complex Relationship with Cheese
Linux. Steve’s dogshit. XP. Boston. Ubuntu. The Celtics. Dance academy. The treadmill car. Plane porn. Games as sports. Thatcher’s muccous. The render farm. Good/No-good. Bathrooms.
|Rubbing a Bitch’s Teat with Love
The Twinkie Defense. Jeff and Casey’s Rainbow Hour. Sweden. Swedish beastiality ring. Zoophilia. Penetrating the network. She backed into me. Life finds a way. Rainforest Cafe. Donkey Man. Neigh means neigh. Animal fucking XP. Swedish Agricultural Minister. The WHAT? Test. Teat rub. Genitalia smear. Realtor house repossessions. Mailing yourself out of jail. Metal Gear Solid. Nazism returns. Van Halen minute. Rodney King. Blocked in China. The Price of Celebrity. Milli Vanilli. Divorce. Seattle’s original sewer system. The AT&T store. The DMV. Prepaid minutes. To Catch a Predator. Bad life decisions. Fuck-up dominos. Dale Chihuly. Frank Gehry. Timeless eyesores.
|Fat, Toothless, and Poor
M-Audio. BurgerKing drive-thru. BurgerKing Delayer (BKD). No mushrooms. Hotness escalation. Sufficient degree of hotness. Fake penis scam. Urine samples. Penis voxels. Penis jar. Jack-Russel terrier. Breaking wind. Shutting off computers. Benjamin Franklin. School farting incidents. Faux Thanksgiving cooking tips. The Valentine Nebraska Butt Bandit. Presumed white. Buttprint sentencing guidelines. Full-taint press. America’s fattest city. Hot dog festival. Fat town renaissance fair. Paul Revere. American history. Analog CD-ROMs. Digital Equipment Corporation. VAX. Report cards. High-school freak fatal accidents. Volunteer EMTs. Unscrewed gas jets.
|The Vicar’s Eleventh Toe
The holidays. Wal*mart. Surgery. Diced genitalia. Malpractice. Romania. Romanian medical board. Potato. Casey’s musical minute. Inflatable breasts. Objectification. Freedom of the press. Men’s magazines. Black Friday. Scalpel vs. Santoku. Toe penis. Trojan. Penisprints. Holy vs. demon potato. Breast PSI. Ralph Magazine. Blue toe. I nailed that. Double-D Day. Call of Booty. The Big Three automakers. Mixed-up metaphors. The lifeboat metaphor. Heavy metal minute.
|Oil, Coffee, and Corsets
Breast giveaway. Guiness World Record. Microsoft clothing. Vista advertisements. I’m a PC. Windows Mojave. Racial desktop. Spread goat ass. iPhone music video. The worst rap song. Whopper virgins. Copyright. Wikipedia. The Entertainment Software Association. The C Team. Creamy ranch dipping sauce. Electronic Arts. iPhone. DRM site closure timeline. Google Video. Sony Connect. PlaysForSure. PlaysForShit. Blu-Ray. Sucking Satan’s Cock. Macrovision. Red State vs. Blue State. Good/No good. Celebrity baby names. Renaissance fairs. Civil war reenactments. Medieval cleavage. People in parking lots. Bathroom stall allocation.
|Adolph Hitler: Employee of the Month
Santa Express to the Zoolights. Tacoma. Giant spiders. Christmas. Mt. Rainier. Battle of Bunker Hill. Coupon pronunciation. The Fighting Retards. Ramps and classrooms. Sex offender ornaments. Good touch/bad touch gingerbread man. Pedophile Santa. Alfred Hitchcock. Strangers on a Train. Vertigo. The Man Who Knew Too Much. The bathtub curve of spoilers. The filled bathtub curve. XBox bathtub curve. Rare. Hitler. Cake decoration. Joseph Lieberman. Toilet paper ads. Wal*mart. State names plus heavy machinery. Massage robot. Robot uprising. Japan. Pants for people with big cocks. Japanese retirement death. Japanese grandmothers. Heavy Metal Minute.
|The Skinniest Kid at Fat Camp
Green popsicles. Christmas morning. Electron microscopes. Rick Astle. Brothels. Poland. Burt and Ernie. Burt-tipped condoms. Strip clubs. Porn and Pancakes. Condom suffocation. Condom eyeholes. Barney Frank. The Big Three auto manufaturers. Remington Steel book report. Jeff’s snow driving tips. Black ice. Hummer H2. Getting stuck in the snow. Texting during movies. Grand Theft Auto. The manholes of Liberty City. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Movie theater shooting. Will Rogers. Would You or Wouldn’t You. Things dropped into a toilet. iFart. Stow Police Log.
|A Venn Diagram of Two Things That Suck
Talking dolphins. Netflix Streaming. No Country for Old Men. Battlestar Galactica. Firefly. Star Trek. Venn diagram of suck. Science fiction. SeaQuest DSV. Google Translate for dolphins. Family Ties. Michael J. Fox. Daily paper. You can do it. Forgotten wallet. CostCo. Best Buy. Flatscreen TVs. Presents for Jeff’s Mom. Projection presents. XBox 360. LG. Kung Fu Panda. LEGO Indiana Jones. Little Big Planet. Rock Band. The Dark Knight. Webcam. DO NOT PLUG IN THE DEVICE. USB. The Journeyman Project. The Journeyman Project: Turbo. DirectShow. Windows installers. Zune. Zune New Years bug. Microsoft Vacation for Windows. Jeff’s crazy grandma. Premade grandkids. Returned Christmas cards. Jeff’s mailroom tips. Dina Martina. Playstation Home. jeffatrad. Avatar replacement. Second Life.
|The Vice President of Style
Autonomous agents. Penis stories. Soul mirror. Mantyhose. Dark socks. Nordstroms. CostCo. Radio Shack. Batteries. Wireless doorbells. Fur Elise. Microsoft Songsmith. Installers. .NET Framework. The Girl from Ipanema. General MIDI. Microsoft Office. Reptile instinct. Scanners. Mechanical Turk. The Purple Ear. The Penguin. William Hung. Microsoft Tag. Microsoft Surface. Microsoft Emotion for Windows. Splitting the bill. Ray Ozzie. Closing the laptop. Windows XP. SeaQuest DSV. The Library of Alexandria. Bob Ballard.
|$16k, 100 Cases of Beer, and Several Cases of Meat
Asburgers. Bounced checks. 7/11. iPhone. Passwords with a 9 at the end. Lexus dealership. AT&T. Penis massage robot. Directions on Microsoft. Microsoft Songsmith. Flowers. Bontanical glory holes. RealTouch. Sascha Gray. Ashlynn Brook. Motion capture. The WonderBoner. Fishing. Beer. Caulk. The ProCaulk. Selling your daughter. Contract law. Memoirs of a Geisha. White trash goodies. The WonderMullet. Mullets. Problem Solvers. Ubuntu. Verizon. Toe fingers. Good/No good. Old world charm. Hot yoga. Kilts. Upskirts. Bagpipes.
|A Camaro that Doesn’t Explode
Microsoft. Windows XP. OpenGL. Direct3D. Windows Vista. Windows 7. Windows Guru. Albert Einstein. Microsoft Priests. The Microsoft Priest Bar. The Windows taskbar. The Windows sidebar. Jump lists. Moving windows. Internet Explorer 8. Home Group. Touch monitors. Glossy screens. Visual Studio 2010. Downloading. Ubuntu. The big red ship button. Microsoft Visual Team System 2010. Explorers. Not better — just different. Direct2D. Immediate mode. Smart pointers. Lost surfaces. MSN Music. Debbie Gibson. DRM. SeaQuest DSV. Germ warfare. Nuclear warheads. Bob Ballard. Mexican stand-off.
|Richard Attenborough Narrates a Porno
The Superbowl. Antivirus software. Divining rods. Age of consent. The Bible. Hydroponics. Richard Attenborough. Pornography. The porn economy. Cancer. Pastors. FBI strip club database. The phone closet. DSL installation. Lichen vs. Lycan. Blue filter cinematography. Underworld: Rise of the Lycan. SeaQuest DSV. Knight of Shadows. Norton Anti-Ghost. Good/No good. Vanity license plates. Mr. Wow. Harry Potter.
|Seventy Wasted Hours of Your Life
Penis massage robot. Giant inflatable dog turd. Jamba Juice. The Sun Ya Chinese Restaurant. SeaQuest DSV. Exotic animals as pets. Swedish animal sex ring. A Kick in the Testicles. Dogshit trail. Urinals. Angelina Jolie. Porn and parents, pastries, and pancakes. The Casey Show and the Jeff Show. The Van Halen Saga. BT-complete problems. The retarded gangster. The Microsoft Giant. Good/No good.
|A Dolphin You Can Bring Home to Mom
Seaquest DSV. Talking dolphins. Darwin the Dolphin. Sir Isaac Newton. John Stuart Reed. The British. The Cymascope. Breakthroughs. Buckaroo Bonzai. Reporters. Screensavers. Voice synthesizers. Llamasoft. Jeff Minter. Visualizations. Dolphin mixers. Blackjack. The 49ers. The dolphin next door. Ape submarines. Sealife. Exploring the seas. Exploring Wyoming. The space program. Space technology. The iPhone. Strange and scary new animals. The octopus with human teeth. God. Bob the Intern Angel. Fired. Smiling octopus. Prop 8. Dating. Surprise.
Shadow Hare. Cincinnati. Electrical powers. The budget. Christian Bale. Perching. Rabbits. Pets. Dislocated shoulders. Applesauce. Impregnation. Secret identities. Profit sharing. Pellets. Superdrip. Rabbit tooth growth. Lisp. Nike. Merch. Easter eggs. Allegience of Heroes. On-line forums. Super support group. Superhero arc. Control groups. Furries. Fight vs. Feed. Celebrity soup kitchen. A-list vs. D-list superheroes. Shame. Turtle vs. Snail. Master of emminent domain. Superrape. The TSA. Police. Mr. Xtreme.
|20-Inch Screws and A 80-Foot Ladder
Good/no-good. Shopping carts. The homeless. TVs. U-hauls. Home Depot. Therapy.
|The Sanctity of a Flesh-based Marriage
Powerless Jeff. Facebook. Quizzes. Robots. Aliens. Hot girl quiz. Twilight. Profile pictures. Caricatures. Christians.
|A Crime of Sloppiness
Harcore pornography. Kindergarten. Elementary school. The Jonas Brothers. Britney Spears. Disney. AP tests. The Brady Bunch.
|You Only Need a Hole
User-friendly. James Horner. The Autoblow. Fleshlight. Nuclear reactors. Sucking. Hands-free.
|Selling Out for Sarah Palin
Garage sales. Commemorative plates. Good/no-good. Flirting. Lyapunov stability. Gravity wells.
|Captain Cannabis Attacks
J.J. Abrams. Tanning. Marijuana. Atheist sex. Captain Cannabis. Facebook. Ambien. The Immaculate Conception.
|The Dystopian Future is Now
Security. Rubbage. Smoking. The dystopian present. Bose. Lost luggage. Airport food. Popeye’s Chicken. Closed economies. Shania Twain. KFC. Duty-free.
|Romeo and Juliet on a Talking Truck
Romeo and Juliet. Transformers 2. Classiness. Transformer sex. Talking trucks. Racist robots. The AllSpark. Fish sex. Gospel. Tupperware. Robot heaven. Megan Fox.
|A Good Medicine to Have
The Roberts Rule. G.I. Joe. Police. Sex. Video vault. Horse sex. Cinematography. Buggery. Hickies. South Carolina. Yankee lawyers. Repeat offenders. Pandering.
|An Awkward Way to Come Out of the Bathroom
Rufies. Team Fortress. Tragedy. Science fiction. Gun control. Fantasy. Shot. Bathroom rules. Toilet. Japanese bathrooms. Larry Craig. Hamlet.
|A Little Taste of Independence
American Beauty. Lolita. Long sippers. 30-plus. Disabled. Standards vs. criteria. Fatties. Room to grow. La-Z-Boy. True Blood.
|Feed the Aryans
Hitler. The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Heat. Personal image issues. Casey the sleeper agent. Bernie Ecclestone. Blinds. The Special Olympics. Sexy Nazis. Nazi racing.
HTTP. Amazon.com. Web Squared. Web programmers. Tim O’Reily. Typography. John Battelle. Gutenberg. CERN. Xerox PARC. Web 2.0. CSS.
|Your Racist Baby
Twitter. NutureShock. Racism. Babies. Newsweek. Science. Science fairs. School newspapers.
|Don’t Copy That — Part I
id Software. Doom 3. SIIA. Britney Spears. Digital Protector. Don’t Copy That. Copyright. The Constitution.
|Don’t Copy That — Part II
Corporations. Copyright. Intellectual property.
|A Tiny Girl for Tiny Crime
Bra bags. World records. Raer Love. The world’s heaviest twins. A hint of retard. Tiny girl. The ultimate debate. Tiny crime. VOIP. Manswers. SpikeTV. The Special Olympics.
|Friends on Friends
Reality TV. Malware. Doubles. Viruses. The ladies’ bathroom. Cheaters. Condo deaths. Dispensers. Friends on Friends. On-line dating. BestBuy. match.com. TV installation. PS3. pets.com. Fiber. Web programmers.
|The Fine Line between Regret and Frustration
Art museums. The Road to Mecca. Chris Crawford. Games as art. Good/no-good. Listener mail. iTunes. The Programmer’s Challenge.
|Where’s THAT Sticker?
Grand Juries. Dolphins. Milk. Garfield. Pacifiers. SMiles. Girls Gone Wild. Cats. The moon. Pornography. Monkeys. Cows. Zero gravity. Animal cruelty. Bucket lists. Police. The Autoblow.
|The Ethics of Robot Cats Caring for the Elderly: Will They Have Lasers?
Israel. Disco. Graftings. Soviet research. Depression. Geisha. Gamers. Clowns. Goats. Listener dreams. Addiction. Mermaids. Robotic cats. Sex. Ambien.
|Space Party in Zero Gravity
The black president. Dolphins. Martians. Space. Lobsters. Primate rights. Russians. Snatch. Screech owls. Contact. Conspiracy theories. Tiny raptors. Spacequest. Martian-backed securities. Michael Bay. Permanent Midnight. Snails. Steven Spielberg. Monkeys.
|The Revolutionary War was Fought on Rum
Launch parties. Drugs. Cores. Terrorism. Rum. Ireland. The Revolutionary War. Lithuania. World of Warcraft. Windows 7. Marriage. Launch videos. Heroin. Bathroom rules.
|Sentenced to Smells Already Smelt
The X-Files. Charles Bloom. Outhouses. Fonts. Shrinkage. Truth. ClearType. Singers. The FBI. Chrome. Yoga. Zodiak. SafeSearch. Superpowers. Colombo. DNS redirectors. Programmers. Freud. Bing. Flash.
Black Friday. Brainwashed. Frankincense. Christian side-hug. Lennon-McCartney. Myrrh. Crucifixion. George Martin. Gold. The Nokia N-Gage. The Twelve Days of Christmas. Christianity. Rough Riders. The Epiphany. Atheism. Three Kings Day. Painting with feces. Pesos. Defective.
Yom Kippur. Rabbis. Condoms. Judaism. Matrilineal descent. Entertainment. Hanukkah. Miracles. Religion. The Seder. 400lb squirrel. Larry David. Passover. Jesus Christ. Bris. 30-plus. Dredel. Jewish side-hug. Rough Riders.
|Failing to Achieve the Escapism I Wanted
Giant spiders. Literature. Pedophile. French chickens. Slovinkia. Jesus. The Nutcracker. The Zoolights. Ballet. An apology to our listeners. Creepy uncles. The Christmas train. Racist dances. Tacoma. NASCAR.
|Embrace Your Inner Asshole
Parties. Gregor Mendel. Dildos. Camping. David Blane. Shock hazard. Casey thanks Jeff. Being genuine. Socializing. Disingenuously charming. Clerks. Domestic violence. Bitch-slap. Fixations. Larry David. Quaternions.
|Robert’s Rules of Racism
Arbitrage. Mel Gibson. The Postal Service. Birth of a Nation. The Twelve Days of Christmas. The Clinton corkscrew. Recursion. Chia Obama. Left Behind. Gifts. Paris Hilton. Twilight. Cash for gold. Afros. Expected value. Apocalypse. Gold teeth. Accentuation. Racism. Sarah Palin.
|Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Gamerscore
UPC codes. Mechanic. Gamertags. Veteran. Asshole blocked. Supermarket checkout. Your inner asshole. Storytelling. Story triggers. World War II. Lucky Charms. The Queen Mary. Larry David. Microsoft. John McCain.
|Rudolph the Mutant Reindeer
Teabagging. Sex tapes. Santa Claus. Swan. Eating disorders. Goose. Christmas carols. GPS. Mannheim Steamroller. Garmin. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Naughty list. Birth defects. Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Smoking.
Government nepotism. The Pink Panther. CSI. Pornography problem. The USA Network. Mechanical Turk. Genitalia. Colombo. Disorder. Monk. House. Psych. Biometrics. Sherlock Holmes. The FBI. Addiction. Google.
|Cracking the Universe
The unified field theory. Divining rods. Albert Einstein. Unicorns. Great literature. Zip-state. Rainbows. David Cornelius Doremus. The Talmud. The immune system. Cracking teh Universe. The Special Theory of Relativity. Doremus Industries. The Ether. The vanity press. Zombie Einstein. Carl Sagan. Water witching.
|The Sound of the Singularity
Robot dogs. Terminator 2. Christmas shopping. Frosty the Snowman. Big Mouth Billy Bass. Nazi criminals. Assassins. Sentient Christmas toys. Good/no-good. The Singularity.
|Welcome to Planet Chad
Fake coral. Planet Chad. The General Lee. Parenting tips. Planet Hollywood. Chad Ochocinco. Football. Child support. Usain Bolt. Koi. Court. Europe. Indiana Jones. Luke Skywalker. Strip clubs. Aquarium. Claude Shannon. Frank Sinatra. Baby sharks. Tony Gonzales.
|Thanksgivingcast 2010 — Part I
The Pope. Phoenix Jones. The Dave Matthews Band. Bruce Wayne. The Golfer. The mortgage crisis. Victor Savage. Male prostitutes. Kia Fate. Corporate rights. The Justice League of America. Superheroes. The PacMed building. Batman’s penis. Supervillains. Tiger Woods. Oregano. Comics. The Nightmare Cane. Matches Malone.
|Thanksgivingcast 2010 — Part II
U2. The United Nations. Happy November. Underwater resort. Woodstock. Lost keys. Summit meeting. The Who. Chewing gum. The Luxor Hotel. The Rolling Stones. WikiLeaks. Sexual harrassment. Les Paul. iPhone. Railing kill. The Spin Doctors. Martial law. Darwin the Dolphin. Vietnam.
|Windows 8 and What To Do About It|
|Emasculating Google Glass|
|Life Process Optimization|
|On Google Morals|
|The Evils of Non-native Programming|
|On Chris Hecker’s GDC Rant|
|Runza Yelps and Elder Grifting|
|The True Purpose of DRM|
|Videogames, the NRA, and Constitutional Rights|
|XBox One Games Regret|
|Preemption, Drones, and Bad AI|
|Adobe and Software Subscriptions|
|On Seriousness and Elk Sex|
|Robots for the Elderly, Redux|
|Adobe’s New Hardware|
|Rhubarb and Refrigerator Safety|
|Comedy and Sympathy|
|The NSA and Microsoft Excel|
|Pacific Rim and the Fall of Hollywood Blockbusters|
|The High Cost of Rhinos|
|PAX: Saturate, Don’t Boycott|
|Don’t Kill the Hobo|
|Ask Jeff and Casey: Kissin’ Cousins|
|Ask Jeff and Casey: Career Advice|
|We Get the Reviewers We Deserve|
|The Prophet Who Peed in the Mason Jar|
|Most Things in the World are Broken|
|The Real Story of Opposable Thumbs
Jeff buys 96 bananas. The mainstream press comes around to the fact that most animals, by and large, behave like dicks. Casey suspects Jeff is secretly funding animal research. Jeff questions the stereotypical personification of animals. Outsized vegetables and the Guiness Book of World Records. Toilet-themed restaurants. Forks vs. chopsticks.
What defines a sandwich? Google Island. Bill Gates vs. Sergey Brin. How free cafeterias affect Google’s view of the world. Senor Testiculo.
|Hide and Seek
Shatner in the Park. Darwin-filled dreams. Acting. Jimmy Buffet. Misunderstood war criminals. Patrolling Mediterranean shipping lanes. The skull of Yorick. Piaget’s helicopters. “Dolphing” buddies. 3D imaging with participating media. The plaid navy. Underwater wrecking balls. Autistic dolphin therapy. Happy Mullet Man’s recently legalized marijuana plantation. The charm necessary to raise a child. MRE pudding. Cutting off the guy who found the Titanic.
|Jeff’s Breakfast To-don’ts|
|Swimming with the Sharks
Honorifics. Sourcing. Blue-collar vs. 1% coffee. Free-trade cigars. Lifestyle lies. Feeling superior. Two-mason-jar thinkers. Seaworld. Parrot shows. Charging the Tesla. Swimming with sharks. Shark propaganda. Mentally challenged scubadiving. Shark extinction. Shark fin soup. In the ocean vs. on-land. James Cameron’s submarine. Save the whales. Vashon Island. Tesla fires. Tesla public relations.
|Exhuming the Body|
|The Internet of Things
Body odor defense mechanism. Suave for Men. The Internet of Things. SmartTV. Moshi. Tesla. Automatic blinds. Lighting systems. Firmware updates. Andy Rooney. High-end dishwashers. The Ford F150. Curved cell phones. Rinse aid. The Nest. Westinghouse. Honeywell. NSA data collection. Wireless networking. 1% problems. Hearing a pin drop. Plug’n’play. Sound card drivers. Printer ink. Windows minimum battery percentage. Unejectable media.
|Capybara Rat Cruise
Ghost ship. Cannibal rats. Britain. Canada. Ghost riding your whip. Leobov Orlova. Yacht names. Disease. Polynesia. Nymphomania. Sex rats. Cruiseliners. Dominican Republic. Scrap ships. Lifeboat emergency beacons. Dentures. David Attenborough. Rat king. Three toed sloth. GPS. Road trips. Bus bathrooms.
|Experiencing the World through Your Own Volition
Learning to code. Barack Obama. Gabe Newell. Mark Zuckerburg. New Mexico. Computer languages. Human languages. Music. Doom. Quake. Grand Theft Auto. Dragon’s Lair. The Walking Dead.
|McGruff the Crime Dog
Basic line numbering. Micorosft Visual Studio. The C++ Standards Committee. Intel. CPUs. Snookie. Kim Kardashian. Large Hadron Collider. STD quarks. Human evolution. The Alien in the Basement. will.i.am. Sugar cooling. Alienware. Star Trek IV. Whales. Narwhals. Klingons. Star Trek: First Contact. Time travel. Porn goggles. War. Opiates. Religion. Watson. SkyNet. Terminator 2. Wall street. The barter economy. Cost of living. Bookies. Casinos. Stock brokers. Interest. Economics. Zero-growth scenarios. Corportations.
|The Wolf Doesn’t Want to Come Anymore
Google rankings. Steve Jobs. Scrum. Agile programming. Software engineering research. Software testing. Wii U. iPhone. Windows. APIs. Sanguinary programming.
|Free Willy and Moby Dick
SeaWorld. Blackstone. Annheiser-Busch. Blackfish. Free Willy. Moby Dick. The Surfrider. Swim-up bars. Blowhole stands. Frats. Hazing. Pledge week. Fratfish. The Annheiser-Busch Hospitality Hut. Fake IDs. Buying liquor. Coccaine. The Whale of Wall Street. Penny stocks. Plankton stocks. Qualudes. Exploding whales. Animal testing. Evolution. Bears. Cougars. Serial killers. Aurora avenue. Free pool. Free wireless. Motels. Adult whale of an alcoholic. The whale abuse cycle. OSHA. SeaQuest DSV. The Asylum. Sherlock Holmes. Irena Adler. Third Love. Bras. Bra measurements. The Asian Boob Machine. cupmasters.net. Sean Parker. Victoria’s Secret. Fetishes. The Internet of Things. The NSA.
|The One Nun in the Whorehouse
|A Thousand Easy Paces
The Megatimer. School shootings. Visual Studio. Thai iced teas. Compulsive basketball players. Train travel. CNN. Andy Rooney. Hotel internet. Malcolm Gladwell. 1000 Easy Paces. Tom Clancy. Missing planes. MH730. Spy novels. Slingshot. Matthew Dunn. The Adding Machine. Read stage direction. Strange Fruit. The Suit. Anton Chekhov. The Seagull.
|The TED Singularity|
|A Virus in the Toilet|
|Jeff and Casey Island|
|Jeff and Casey’s Guide to Becomming a Bigger Programmer|
|The Stinky Dishwasher Situation|
|The Milky Climax|
|The Wreck of the S.S. Ting-Tangler|
|An Environment Where We’re All Getting Blown|
|The Secret Surprise|
|The Orgasm Button|
|A Sloppy Kiss and a Hairy-Armed Hug|
|Completely Unrelated Dinosaurs|
|The Starbucks Express Restraining Order|
|A World Without Sports or Commercials|
|The Monkey Owns It|
|Navigating the Bomb Threat Phone Tree|
|The Slow-Thruster Achievement|
|Debugging the Autoblow 2|
|CrossFit with Jesus Christ|
|A Big Plug for Christmas in Paris|
|Casey’s Hotness Hour|
|Racism 4.01 Transitional|
|Urban Drapes, Rural Carpet|
|The Tiger in You|
|The Stuff of Sainthood|
|The Alcohol-Ambien-Melatonin-Nyquil Cocktail|
|Son of a Crap-shooter|
|The Great Sperm Exodus|
|A Failure in Every Dresser|
|Almond-Scented Rats of the Evening|
|A Desk Priced in Dollars and Empathy|
|The Free-to-Play ABA Problem|
|A Cardboard Box with a Hole Cut Out of It|
|White Trash Superman Pops a Kryptonite|
|The End of Mouse’s Law|
|You’re Just a Cave Man|
|A Little Bag and a Tub of Vaseline|
|The KnightScope Difference|
|The Veeblefetzer 9000|
|Eleven Goes to Chicago|
|The Beans Above the Frank|
|The Four Finger Rule|
|The Three Laws of Sex Robotics|
|Nips McGently and Cheeks Mahoney|
|Good/No Good 2K18|
|A Pizza in a Windstorm|